Thursday, January 7, 2010

revived again!

grrreat.......! its my new post for a new year! allrightey, there's lotsa stuffs to blog on as i have been moving along without typing all out here. gosh, clueless on where to start. will just pour out whatever that comes into my mind now. but the saddest part was that i had just left malacca for sabah few days ago. i started to miss my mummy now. missed talking crap with her. missed shopping around with her. missed jogging around the park with her. missed sharing bout Christ with her. and the weirdest part is missed her long-winded nagging! she will always be the queen of my heart. i wouldnt never ever substitute her for the queen of England, Queen Elizabeth, the pouty thick lips, Mrs. Angelina Jolie, the sexy R&B singer, Mariah Carey nor Lady Gaga! lol. wtf. she is just simply wonderful and beautiful inside out as a person. she is a woman with a heart of gold. an awesome cool mum! always salute her for her patience. mann, she can bear with our attitudes and shortcomings without lashing out her anger. thankies mummy! and able to juggle her life, fam, and her siblings with a steadfast heart along with her perseverance to stay positive. to top it all, incomparably the best best best mummy in the wholewide world! will always love u lady boss! <3

what happen to me these days....i wondered. always questioning myself, am i in the right place? or should i be in that not-so-sure scene? should i go on or just let go? can i go on without inflicting my half-hearted heart? why is it there is certain times i felt mellow and sort of gave in? but can i trust? i felt so insecure and slowly sinking into a state of doubtfulness. to be honest and truthful is indeed an excruating pain. i longed to shove it away but u kept insisting them. and i have hurt u to swallow my painstakingly harsh yet hurtful words. u were taken aback but still kept with the calmness manner. are you even human?... i hope u will stay a thousand miles away. i may just let time tells. eventually it will return to its exact place.

this sem is completely freaking packed! its a tremendous drastic change in my schedule compared to last sem! for now, i have like almost all morning classes to attend and from mon till fri! i can no longer enjoy a few of my morning hours curling up in my comfy lil bed anymore... but its a good thing though that i will have ample time to run some 'errand' around uni. i realized i have more hours to kill and able to maximise my time after my morning classes. i must vowed to be productive and to catch up the 'last train home'! i woulnt want to be just flat plain Jane but the one that can make a difference. yes, a word that will bear in my mind. as in Your words, as i walk in Your path, You will lead and guide me and give me the strength to go on until i finish the race. i know You will always fuel me to keep me recharge in utmost potential and be still by You. my overflowing thankfulness to You oh Lord...

Saturday, November 21, 2009

hearts out

well, as always its sucha torturing and traumatic during the exam week...anyhow its all over. am gonna have the time of my life for the time being before the start of the new sem. it has been indeed a 'great' week as am free from exams and stuffs where i can easily watch movies, reading my all time favourite storybooks, listening to songs, hangout etc...but somehow thrs this corner of my heart,i felt so empty. its as though am being outcast into some deserted island with the cannibals and some typical tribes around me. envious and jealousness feelings creeping as well. kept questioning the reason to be here. i know thrs an answer to everything but its yet to derive. try to put away my unwanted thoughts aside but it just kept haunting. i felt regret to be like one but that is how its made of. plus the pressure is killing me. everything just seems like a roadblock. i should look up to Him. for strength. for everything...
end of emoing. i looked back,almost all my post mostly on all about my sad, emo stories.allrite. quick revert. thrs this convention im goin to attend and it held from 26th to 29th. am freaking eager to its the biggest event of all! well you gonna see thousands of ppl from all walks of life flocking to picc kl! and this 14th MNC( the Malaysian National Convention), our Hope KK will have the priviledge to perform in the closing ceremony of MNC which is just simply awesome! as this is our very 1st time to conduct this grand convention... (adrenalines rushing)!
and i will be performing on stage as just the minor roles in sketch too! though its just a small role and a short play but wateva...i felt so excited! its so rare but i believe we need to seize every opportunity that comeby. so it started on the 26th and my exams finished on the 16th. practically am stuck here for like 10days long before going back to malacca. i just darn miss home nw. though it seems like just 10 short days, but its like 100 thousand years to me! seriously though am free and its nw the sem holidays but still i felt so restless , bored, agitated and tired. as i guess am clueless on what to do and how to utilize my free time here. unlike when its study weeks whr u are so caught up with lotsa things and it just kept u moving....
ok, will have to rot for another 5days here. haiz. =(( having backpain as a consequences of not doing strenuous exercises like walking up the hill to class! will have to take a nap nw. later at 6pm got practice for mnc closing. last thurs we were done at 1130pm! though we got lectured by sis dorcas as we screwed things up the other day during practice, and when thrs unhappy moments and intense pressure during practice, but all along we felt so connected and joyful with one another! its a wonderful experience i would have said. =))

Friday, September 18, 2009


what happen to my blog posting? it cant seem to add space in between paragraphs... hmmmph! neway nothing to blog as my poor brain is saturated with info on soil! i dont want to be a farmer! ahh! as usual resume with my boring work aGaIn! signing off! poof!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

these days(the summary)

Again, the huugee gap between me and my bloggie is so far apart these days....hardly update and penned something down but managed to do so... =) u see, it has been very hectic this semester with workload of assignments,lab reports, quizzes, midterms, etc (u named it) piled up like a mountain reaching the gates of heaven.....and it has taken a toll on me. i felt so restless and exhausted each day. most of the time i will have sleepless nites where i will wake up several times of the day worrying what have i left out in my to-do lists. i will just automatically get tensed up, panicky and anxious about everything that revolves the days to come, the hours to pass, the minutes and seconds to tick just right away.
Moments of excitement and the eagerness to unveil the mystery each day with a leaping heart has been snatched away unobtrusively. Peals of laughter which suppose to hear just fade away and has been transformed into a mundane and plain routines. everything just seems not right. everything just seems to become topsy-turvy and have not fallen into the right place. it changed. everything around me changed so drastically which i never expect to. its as though each day there will be mountain ridges over me, a forked road ahead which left you in daze, and each time is like a attractive force which try to pull you down that eventually weakens you on the inside.
Life is like a climb. you need to persevere on or else you are going to suffer from utter regretness,which left you empty, scarce, and almost bereft of hope.
Life is so fragile too. it is easily withered. weak. abate. the harsh world that has been destined ahead of you, the road taken which is not always smooth-sailing, pricky thorn which left you to bleed has been associated along with comforting words pumped up to substitute the hidden sorrow embedded inside. it is as though you are part of everything that came crumbling down.

It is undeniable disappointing and diabolical knowing the truth. i got so angry and mad knowing what the things had been blurted out but somehow the blow which had already reached the peak surprisingly slowly tailed off...after my bumped into Annie. it is all painstakingly true. you cant change their perceptions which they earnestly rooted for. is of no use and will left you being defeated. it is to no avail for something not worth to treasure for. it is darn pathetic they arent aware of what they are doing. you dont have to turn everything around to gain their insincere trusts. its a matter of being who you are and what you are.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

~sicko~ sick! that is the worst and most avoidable word i wish to erase in my life!!! been coughing for the past few days! and in addition headache like hell....and felling very dizzy and drowsy. i hope i can fly bck right this very minute. will be instantly recover under my mummy's care. BEST nurse of all. ergh....this is driving me nuts and berserk! cant even sleep well last few appetite some more. had skipped breakfast and lunch, oly had milo for dinner. the heavy head in me made me feel like banging myself to the concrete wall. will need to consult my lecturer later bout my ppib thingy. why no seksyen 3! so troublesome... #&!*?@
i surrender all to YOU!!!

Monday, June 22, 2009

for the first time back in kk...arrived on the 20th june...and it has been 2days since am here. still having mixed feelings as there was an urge luring me to stay back later. but its not going to change anithing. coaxing myself there's no turning back,look ahead and never regret bout it. its pretty boring here basically because i missed home. i missed my bed. i missed my bolster(suppose to be but couldnt resist so kidnapped my rounded bolster to kk). i missed astro. i missed food in mlc. i missed cycling. etc.....i missed laughing with my mum too. thinking back it was my very first time to take a bus alone to an airport(klia) i've never been there for like donkey years. almost 10years i think. but it was a great experience to atcually unveil the excitement in addition with the anxiousness in me...but it takes a heaps of courage to do so as im insecure to travel alone.... but God has been very graceful and good to me that He had planned a smooth sailing journey for me that i bumped into a malay lady and she was in the same boat as me as her flight took off at 1pm to the neighbouring country which i destined to which was hour earlier than me. and chatting with her do help me to kill time a lil faster than me alone sitting like a dummy and walking to and fro like a stalker. she was very helpful and she gave me a hug when it was time for her to wait in the waiting room. such a good Samaritan. All glory to You oh LORD!!!!

food served in MAS for free
the fake castle at the klia airport

then geoffrey came to my rescue! haha...waited for half an hour. im his 2nd passenger. pity stiwell and another gal from bm congregation. stiwell has been waiting for nearly an hour. cuz geoffrey have to sent the tourist back to their hotels and then fetched us according to the roads he headed to.

later the next day, we went to church and the church celebrated father's day,surprising them with a cake specially made by sis Lovely! wow, delicious to the maxx!! i want more! oh ya, at the peak of the service, very embarassing. haha..cuz pastor was like repeatedly announcing the church those who came back early...even today too. have to stand some more and everyone will shook hands with u aka congratulating. so weird and strange le... then went to pasar petang, filipino market with diana,ta william and geoffrey to buy fishballs, fishcakes, cook together with the satay paste i brought. damn, we bought tooooo much. theres lotsa remainder left. the trip to the market was very funny. that william la...full of stupid jokes..walau...laughed till my heads off! then we saw a 'mermaid' as what mentioned by william sleeping near the fish stalls...and a woman using an umbrella as her cap! hilarious..crap la that william.
not-so-clear satay celup image

cutie Rachel playing the keyboard!!! so cuteee.... and she always look at guys! memang ba opposite attracts as what shim everyone was like surrounding her like a popular star regardless of age!

allrite, for today, we had our family day at tanjung aru. there's no teaching but just a fun day to gather with one another. played 3 simple games and had lunch together with the bm congregation along with sis michelle and another philipino sis(haha forget her name). and now the usual ones: diana, william, emui, annie are working 'overtime' till the wee hours. last nite we stayed up till 2am i think..watching, chatting, etc.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

pandemic flu!

just came back from bus station with churning emotions.... anxiety,worry,and fearful doubts abound. anxious thoughts assail after reaching the car. bombarded with lots of negative possibilities playing in my mind. the WHAT IF question repeatedly lingers in my mind even till now. the thing that cause me to feel like this is after i read the star newspaper today which published one infected in the airport Recently and spread to 20 more ppl. and my biggest fear is that im going to the airport this coming saturday!!! so soon.... and and and so unlucky. suppose to use the A1 bus which will send me to airport from malacca at 9am and suppose to reach at 11am but now due to the pandemic flu AH1N1 they suffered downfall business and turned down our transport to airport! darn!!! and now i have to take the transnasional bus which will start the journey at wee hours : 5A.M !!! shiit....and i will be stranded in the klia airport for like 6-7 hours! as my flight will be at 2pm.... =( and then thinking that what if, what if...chances are....Shiit.... GOD I NEED YOUR PROTECTION DURING THE PERIOD IM IN THE AIRPORT FOR LONG HOURS...SHIELD ME FROM ANY HARM AND SICKNESS...WITH THE BLOOD OF JESUS. I PRAY FOR MY FLIGHT TO ARRIVE SAFELY... MAY YOUR ANGELS LIFT AND LAND THE AIRPLANE AND TOUCHDOWN SMOOTHLY...IN THE NAME OF JESUS MOST PRECIOUS POWERFUL NAME I PRAY AMEN...