hearts out

well, as always its sucha torturing and traumatic during the exam week...anyhow its all over. am gonna have the time of my life for the time being before the start of the new sem. it has been indeed a 'great' week as am free from exams and stuffs where i can easily watch movies, reading my all time favourite storybooks, listening to songs, hangout etc...but somehow thrs this corner of my heart,i felt so empty. its as though am being outcast into some deserted island with the cannibals and some typical tribes around me. envious and jealousness feelings creeping as well. kept questioning the reason to be here. i know thrs an answer to everything but its yet to derive. try to put away my unwanted thoughts aside but it just kept haunting. i felt regret to be like one but that is how its made of. plus the pressure is killing me. everything just seems like a roadblock. i should look up to Him. for strength. for everything...

end of emoing. i looked back,almost all my post mostly on all about my sad, emo stories.allrite. quick revert. thrs this convention im goin to attend and it held from 26th to 29th. am freaking eager to join...as its the biggest event of all! well you gonna see thousands of ppl from all walks of life flocking to picc kl! and this 14th MNC( the Malaysian National Convention), our Hope KK will have the priviledge to perform in the closing ceremony of MNC which is just simply awesome! as this is our very 1st time to conduct this grand convention... (adrenalines rushing)!

and i will be performing on stage as just the minor roles in sketch too! though its just a small role and a short play but wateva...i felt so excited! its so rare but i believe we need to seize every opportunity that comeby. so it started on the 26th and my exams finished on the 16th. practically am stuck here for like 10days long before going back to malacca. i just darn miss home nw. though it seems like just 10 short days, but its like 100 thousand years to me! seriously though am free and its nw the sem holidays but still i felt so restless , bored, agitated and tired. as i guess am clueless on what to do and how to utilize my free time here. unlike when its study weeks whr u are so caught up with lotsa things and it just kept u moving....

ok, will have to rot for another 5days here. haiz. =(( having backpain as a consequences of not doing strenuous exercises like walking up the hill to class! will have to take a nap nw. later at 6pm got practice for mnc closing. last thurs we were done at 1130pm! though we got lectured by sis dorcas as we screwed things up the other day during practice, and when thrs unhappy moments and intense pressure during practice, but all along we felt so connected and joyful with one another! its a wonderful experience i would have said. =))

these days(the summary)

Again, the huugee gap between me and my bloggie is so far apart these days....hardly update and penned something down but managed to do so... =) u see, it has been very hectic this semester with workload of assignments,lab reports, quizzes, midterms, etc (u named it) piled up like a mountain reaching the gates of heaven.....and it has taken a toll on me. i felt so restless and exhausted each day. most of the time i will have sleepless nites where i will wake up several times of the day worrying what have i left out in my to-do lists. i will just automatically get tensed up, panicky and anxious about everything that revolves the days to come, the hours to pass, the minutes and seconds to tick just right away.

Moments of excitement and the eagerness to unveil the mystery each day with a leaping heart has been snatched away unobtrusively. Peals of laughter which suppose to hear just fade away and has been transformed into a mundane and plain routines. everything just seems not right. everything just seems to become topsy-turvy and have not fallen into the right place. it changed. everything around me changed so drastically which i never expect to. its as though each day there will be mountain ridges over me, a forked road ahead which left you in daze, and each time is like a drag...an attractive force which try to pull you down that eventually weakens you on the inside.

Life is like a climb. you need to persevere on or else you are going to suffer from utter regretness,which left you empty, scarce, and almost bereft of hope.

Life is so fragile too. it is easily withered. weak. abate. the harsh world that has been destined ahead of you, the road taken which is not always smooth-sailing, pricky thorn which left you to bleed has been associated along with comforting words pumped up to substitute the hidden sorrow embedded inside. it is as though you are part of everything that came crumbling down.

It is undeniable disappointing and diabolical knowing the truth. i got so angry and mad knowing what the things had been blurted out but somehow the blow which had already reached the peak surprisingly slowly tailed off...after my bumped into Annie. it is all painstakingly true. you cant change their perceptions which they earnestly rooted for. is of no use and will left you being defeated. it is to no avail for something not worth to treasure for. it is darn pathetic they arent aware of what they are doing. you dont have to turn everything around to gain their insincere trusts. its a matter of being who you are and what you are.